Oh Mother, My Mother!

This DNA of yours you left as trace within a Cell
Of this life that it was always there 
After that nine months
After that toddling
After that quenching of thirst and hunger
After that growth!
And that you wanted me to be always 
Within you and me always away from you!

As I marched passed the lives of life
To grow old to measure up my own being grown
Against your height, heart and soul perhaps
I flew away probably to trick you only
So that you would often ask
Where did I have to go?
Since you knew, in your heart that
I didn’t need to go 
I didn’t need to be so cruel

Every moment, did I know that!
I was there to cry when I didn’t understand the
Gravity of your affection and care for me!
Instead, I would whine so that you would come to fetch me- your son
To feed the food of love that you had right from the
Origin of the Cell that transferred your traces in me
On these detail, tiny minute of the DNA that I behold you in me
Always and ever no matter who I am and wherever I go!

Oh mother, my mother!
You knew what I did to upset you
You knew that I didn’t need to 
And even to let that grow within my very own need of life 
That defined the nature of mankind that you implanted in me
In the very way I grew so big, 
As if sometimes bigger than yourself and the
Galaxy like bigger love that you'd fed in me 
With the DNA that you’re now and ever
To become so unruly, for I wouldn’t want you to confine me 
Within you for I didn’t want to 
Since I felt that I knew you, just knew you
Through my own being, for you knew I was you and you were me! 
As I grew and raised with the energy to display all those
Notwithstanding the stubbornness of that kind that
Had come from you so that I could see how tough and yet loving 
You were, by assuming as if it was nothing, but simply 
The mother, Oh my mother!! 

Today, I have broken the connection in the rite
That you’d have not wanted just because you love me
That my hands are shaking, eyes tearing and heart pounding
As I didn’t do what you would want me to do 
What you would want me to be but you
Therefore I did exactly the same thing that you would herald time and again
In your pain that only tears from your eyes could have washed it
The joy of love and affection and your enormity of kindness and wish of freedom
That you dreamt I’d deserved out in the open, exactly the way you’d want 
No matter how many times, I had deliberated to hurt you
Often just letting the wound to be left to mend on its own!
Therefore, I flew away, so far away, so conditionally
I left you behind and still letting me to have this arrogance of life 
That I can care for myself, be my own cell, my own shelf notwithstanding 
The pain I could have caused in your heart 
Even then you felt joyous, just when I felt rejoicing, 
You felt more pain when I was hurt
You felt sad when I cried
You felt everything that you meant to feel
What I felt and that what you too felt! 
Mother, Oh My Mother!

And today, you have left me, almost as if it is forever! 
Because I’d left you even when this true facet of life hadn’t 
You knew you were going to leave before me 
Therefore you never wanted me to leave you
But as I did time and again, you now have done so powerfully
That simply that you’ve run away as if 
I would never ever going to meet with you
That I would never ever caress, touch and hug you
Even to ask for your final love of care so that I could be with you
Oh mother, my mother!

Yes I know I am flooding in the tears of remorse
That you have left me because not wanting though
I’d left you to let your heart mind and soul 
To be tested and weighted that as your child I’d always wanted
From the very beginning when the Cell of your Love and Life
Had been implanted in me to be the way I am of what I am now 
So big but lonely without you, so powerful but mongrel 
So vivid and so full but empty without you
Oh mother, Oh My mother 
You know how much the love you had for me meant for you
Exactly the way I feel it’s now 
In your love that I shall grow old, but never free from it
I shall run away but never to disappear from it
I shall be with you ever and ever 
Mother, Oh my mother!
 
(23rd of November 2009, 13 days of the loss of my Mother!)